Lesley Veronika Photography

How to start saying ‘no’ without an explanation | Self Care

Busy is not a badge of honor.

I have a really hard time saying ‘no’ to people. I am a people pleaser and want people to be happy even if that means at the expense of my own happiness, or more times then I’d like to admit, my family’s happiness.

Then I get overworked and overwhelmed with life. But this year long pandemic which made me slow down helped me to realize that when I say yes to other people, I am saying no to myself. When you tell people ‘No’ you are making time for your needs and that my friend IS self care.

Learning to say no without an explanation starts with learning what your yeses are. When you can identify what is important to you, it’s easier to say no to everything else.

My kids, my husband, time for myself and my work are my yeses. I will NEVER miss a date/time with my husband, a school or activity with my children, a meeting or session with a client and ALONE time for myself.

Write down your top priorities. So the next time someone asks you to do something and it interferes with one of the things on your list. It will be easier to say no. 

How to actually start saying no? …

Think about the last time someone said no to you, were you offended? I know I sure wasn’t. I understand that people have priorities. 

If you are a people pleaser like me, just simply saying no makes you shiver. It feels so awkward. So add a positive to your negative.  For instance, “I would really love to but I am unable to commit at this time.” It’s really direct and to the point and best of all you are saying no! 

It’s really easy to  follow up your ‘no’ with word vomit but it is literally a few seconds of awkward and then its over. The best way to get through the awkward is to practice saying no.  

Once you’re done saying ‘no’, enjoy your yes!

So you’ve done it, you said no… now take the time to enjoy your yes! Turn off your TV, put your phone on silent and fully engage and enjoy your yes!

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